Well the search was on, the hours and days of reading and research. It was consuming me. I had to find the answer. Of course my dh was in complete denial. Like most fathers he didn’t want to hear it. (He is completely on board now, but this was in the beginning).
I couldn’t eat, barely slept. I was running on adrenaline. I was making appointments trying to get him into ABA therapy (getting on waiting lists), searching biomed sites, joining yahoo groups.
It is so hard to understand biomed from disconnected posts on yahoo. I went to the library, checked out books etc…
I didn’t even give myself time to let it sink in. As usual I went straight from: we have a problem…. to… find the solution. There was no time to mourn for the lost future. There was no time to breathe.
And I was alone. There was no doctor to help. I had no friends who had been there before. No family members to tell me to slow down (I do not live in the same state as my family they are many miles from us). Just the weight of my child’s future on my shoulders. All I felt was urgency, I wouldn’t even let the fear in. My baby had fallen off the edge of a cliff and I had to find a way to catch him before he hit the ground. I was a robot running on coffee and determination. And the stress was about to devour me.
(to be continued)